National Suicide Prevention Week

By Angie Baquedano on September 7, 2015

National Suicide Prevention Week: September 7-13

This week is National Suicide Prevention Week and to bring awareness to this pertinent topic I would like to share my experience with suicide.

It is important to help prevent suicide. It is important to check on a loved one or peer that seems troubled, but I also think it is important that those who have considered suicide understand those around them. To understand what it is like to watch them destroy themselves sometimes failing and other times succeeding.

I have never personally been vulnerable to suicide, but I have watched my peers and loved ones struggle with it endlessly. I lost a friend to suicide, as a child I struggled with a loved one who considered/attempted it almost every day, and two years ago I came to find out that a close friend attempted to end their life as well.

I wake up every day, terrified that they simply will have ceased to exist. Depression is a terrible demon to live with, and I can’t imagine ever being in their shoes; but I’d also like to share with those who struggle with depression, or suicidal thoughts that fear is also a horrible emotion to live with.

You love and are loved back. You miss people just as they would all miss you if you made such a tragic decision to end your life. Sometimes as humans we can be very selfish, sometimes we forget to wish you a happy birthday, sometimes we go weeks without talking to those who we care for, but that doesn’t mean that the love isn’t there. I personally want to apologize for those who have wronged you. I want to apologize for your hardships and remind you that things really do get better.

Many of my friends considered suicide; a few attempted, one succeeded. I was devastated, and his family was in shambles. I spent a long time sad and angry at him. It came out of nowhere as it usually does for those who lose someone to suicide. I was angry because he did it, I was angry he didn’t come to me for comfort, I was angry I didn’t keep in touch more.

I was heartbroken I’d never hear his voice again.

When I was applying for college in high school, I considered not leaving my hometown (although I hated it) because I was afraid to leave my loved one behind. I thought to myself “What the hell am I going to do if I leave, and they go back to that dark place?” “Who will pull them out?” “I will hate myself for the rest of my life if something happens, and I’m not here.”

My fear increased as the days went by, and the acceptance letters rolled in, all to far away places but one. My loved one, the same one that constantly struggled with depression, the same one that attempted suicide many times, took notice of my unease and took the time, out of the life that sometimes they didn’t even want, to talk to me. This beautiful, selfless person cared more about me than themselves. I can’t begin to describe how perfect and sad that moment was, and I wished with all my heart that they could just love themselves back.

Also during my senior year of high school after my loved one had calmed my nerves about leaving, my close friend decided to swallow a whole bottle of pills. I received a call that made my heart drop; she didn’t succeed. It was now all in the toilet along with bile. That day I cried tears of happiness and sadness. I was happy that she didn’t succeed and immensely sad that she tried.

My friend who succeeded is now resting in peace, my loved one who struggled so fiercely with depression overcame their thoughts, but my close friend who failed has triggered fear in my heart once more.

Now you have heard what it is like to be on the outside looking in. As a family member and friend of those who struggle with depression, I’d like to let them know that we (family members and friends) struggle with their depression just as much.

WE are just as scared as YOU are. WE LOVE YOU. We beg of you that you try to love yourself back.

Love,

Angie B.

**For more information please visit the links below.**

http://www.suicidology.org/ncpys/someone-needs-help

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

 

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